Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Random Advice

I have yet to tell anyone in my family what Ruben and I were really up to in India. For many reasons, I have felt more comfortable talking to random strangers about our impending baby plans. The old lady in the grocery store, the mother with 4 kids riding the train, and acquaintances at work that I will probably never see again have all heard my story. It's not that my family won't be excited for us, I guess I'm just prolonging the inevitable but I digress...

Today I made my semi-annual visit to the dentist. The dentist's receptionist (another random person to know my story) was more than thrilled to know we are expecting, as she recently had a child herself. "You're not going to give them breast milk?" she shockingly asked. "Well since neither Ruben nor I will be lactating..." She goes into an entire spiel about how we are doing a disservice to our babies by not signing up at a breast milk bank and using donated breast milk. To be honest, I've never contemplated or even heard of such a thing. I'm sure kids that have taken formula as babies have grown up to be something other than circus clowns and mimes. She then declares, "I would give you mine but I'm not eating healthy at the moment." Uh... thanks that's very nice of you?!?! 

I've read the reports about how "superior" breast milk is for the baby. I know what the doctors say. It just never crossed my mind that anything other than formula is an option. According to the receptionist, babies taking breast milk "have an exceptionally higher IQ." Ok.... I just wanted to pay my co-pay and leave but it went on and on and on.

By the time I left, she had me feeling like the next Joan Crawford if I give my children formula.


I'm sure Joan Crawford gave Tina formula.


21 comments:

  1. I love all my kids but the one I didn't even attempt to breastfeed (supply issues) was just tested for gifted in school and has always had higher test scores than the rest.....this from a formula baby:)

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  2. I breastfed my kids when they were little and they are just average kids - unfortunately, no geniuses in this family! Well, maybe the dog - she is pretty smart but, nah, pretty sure we are all pretty darn average. Do what you think is best for your kids and you can't go wrong!

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  3. You'll do fine with formula, really...I think mothers do have this thing that breast is best...and it IS...but formula is a very good option. If you're concerned someone told me organic formula is good, too.

    One thing...which we never expected to happen, but it fell in to our laps...was that since EVERYONE knew our story amongst our friends (one benefit of telling people early on), we were approached by someone who had a baby three months older than ours who had extra breast milk, and she's been dropping it off every couple weeks. So just an FYI, if you put it out there into the universe, someone may come forward. It may be worth it! You just never know.

    I'm laughing at the Joan Crawford video because another friend gave us a whole slew of wooden children's hangers because of this particular scene, that is engrained in everyone's brains.

    GOOD LUCK!

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  4. She is a silly malnourished lady! You know what they say about opinions and rear ends....everyone has one!

    Boobs are great if ya got 'em...besides the health benefit, they tend to be free.

    Maybe you should have let her know she has plenty of time to get her diet in order...and you'll even provide the pump...and then you should have just said 'moo' and walked away.

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  5. I hope you told her what a disservice she was doing to her own children to not eat healthy while she's lactating.

    There are a few milk co-ops out there where women donate extra breast mil -- the donors aren't screened, so your comfort and levels have to be pretty high that the donor isn't a meth addict when she's not pumping... We're still thinking about it, but I'm pretty sure we've decided 'no.'

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    1. THEY ARE NOT SCREENED? How is this even allowed? Couldn't there be someone with HIV or Hepatitis or something???

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  6. Our gay pediatrician was kind enough to point out the many actual positive aspects of being on formula. He felt strongly that good safe formula was WAY better than pump donations from anyone other than our surrogate or very close friend.
    K
    P.S. I never had breast milk as a baby. Not sure if that helps or hurts my argument ;)

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  7. I also found donated breast milk but its not tested so I would not give it to my baby, My own doctor told me that formula is much better today then when I was a kid

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  8. With the lack of regulations for donated breast milk, I'd avoid it all together!

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  9. Yes I am not sure how I feel about donated breast-milk. I have the advantage of being able to consider trying to induce lactation which I might give a whirl! May I ask you guys, did you have day 2 or blastocysts transferred please? We are at around 5 weeks with two singleton pregnancies and I'm interested in your story :)

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    1. send me an e-mail - rplindsay@hotmail.com. I'll tell you what I remember!!!

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  10. Isnt it interesting how complete strangers that you talk to about the surrogacy journey offer you such a generous thing as their breast milk! There are always lots of theories about the benefits of breast milk blah blah blah.....your two little beans will be gifted and the best thing since sliced bread anyway. I am sure formula will be just fine and you know where it's coming from too! LOL at the comparison to Mummy Dearest Joan Crawford. We are planning to be back in Delhi by 19 Nov for our twins arrival and probably then have to wait another week to 10 days for our other bub to arrive. How's your schedule looking?

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    1. Still waiting on dates. Hopefully we'll have them within the next few days. We're about a week behind you so I'm guessing the end of November.

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  11. Hey R/R I live in Miramar ,fl I'm in my 19 week would like to chat with you about the process send me a email ..raquelsimone1@aol.com
    I would love to give my twin breast milk but if it can't come from my surrogate then formula it will be .hope to hear from you .

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  12. I wish I had some clever, witty response, but I'm pretty sure Edward took care of it! I can't stop laughing!

    I wasn't breastfed. I did not breastfeed. And we all turned out pretty fantastic. Just sayin'.

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  13. Ha! Welcome to the wonderful world of unsolicited advice! It gets worse! We were also offered breastmilk, but I'm not about to take anything from someone if I don't know what they've been eating! (Never mind that I trusted a complete stranger 8000 miles away in a foreign country to carry our baby!)

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  14. You guys are hilarious! You're all welcome to come to the dentist with me on my next visit!

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  15. There was a great article I read a couple years ago about why breast milk really wasn't better than formula. I think it was in Newsweek or US News & World Report or something like that. It was fascinating. I tried to google it and couldn't find it, but there are tons of other articles about why the breast isn't the best and formula is just fine.

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  16. Hi Guys, I breastfed Mia for 6 months and Hari has been on formula since birth, both are just fine. Hari has put on weight much quicker and thank God is doing really well so please do not worry. I personally would not use donated milk.

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  17. I think the main issues with breast milk is that if done the first few months then it is provides important antibodies. Random stranger milk does not sound like it really qualifies as "safe". I'm horrified after reading here that it isn't tested/screened. 95% sure we will have to use formula as well.
    Reading to your child every night has a far better likelihood of brilliance.
    I'd ask her if she was breast-fed, make a face, back up a little, and then say "ohhhhhhhhhh".

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